The Dark Side

The end...or is it?

Fri, 26 May 2006 13:57:53 EST

The latest on Fat boy:

He made a public apology to Lohan over his May 16th comments about her.

Good boy. But you're still a fat tub of sh*t.

Saga: III

Wed, 24 May 2006 09:28:13 EST

Haha!

So...fat boy (aka Brandon Davis) is now getting his just desserts, it seems. Here's a great video of the fat boy himself getting verbally abused by a Lohan fan outside a club. I especially love the "are you gonna cry?" taunts.

Rumour has it that he apologized to Lindsay over the phone for his disgusting behaviour. Who knows (and who cares).

The Fat Boy Saga Continues

Tue, 23 May 2006 13:30:49 EST

And so, the incident escalates:

Apparently the tirade against Brandon...err...[going to look up his name]...Davis is heating up. Lots of ugly stories about the ugly fat man are pouring into gossip sites all over the internet.

I found this gem about him using mucus as a personal lubricant.And this one that just claims fat boy is "icky poo".

Sweet. My plan to take over the universe is almost complete.

Sperm Retension Issues

Mon, 22 May 2006 20:08:33 EST

So.

The b/f and i are sitting in the living room, watching the new Battlestar Galactica. It's "Act of Contrition" or something like that, and I'm having trouble understanding the point of this episode. I don't understand the whole "prisoners are slaves and should be entitled to freedom blah blah blah".

Oh wait. Now i really don't understand what's happening, since some guy's got Cally in a cage and she just bit his ear off.

But anyway, me and the b/f are sitting here, and i'm frustrated with this weak plot so i'm trying to ask him what he thinks. He says that he thinks the writers are just trying to make Zarek look crazy and that he won't be around for the rest of the episode. But then i told him that the actor in that role is the guy from the original battlestar galactica and that he's going to be around for some time (ie: not get killed off in this episode).

And you know what he says?

"Oh, well now you've just ruined it for me."

Normally, no one could find fault with this. I mean, i did give away an important part of the series. Except. This same man...the one sitting here, in the living room, accusing me of "ruining" his entertainment experience...is the same man who constantly interrupts MY viewing pleasure when he would like to know the ending. He's ALWAYS asking me "what's going to happen...what's going to happen" and even went so far as to look up the freaking ending of a movie on the net because i wouldn't give it away. He usually can't stand not knowing how things are going to work out. It drives me bonkers!!!

So, you can imagine my surpise when he got all upset that i'd "given everything away". He didn't even know it was the same bloody actor! AAAAARGH!

Of course then we had to have a talk about it, and see why i was so pissed by his accusation blah blah. And now he's angry that i was pissed. He's all sarcastic and keeps saying "oh, did you already know that?".

Men are so hard to understand sometimes.

Gossip Rag

Fri, 19 May 2006 10:12:07 EST

Being highly addicted to the site Go Fug Yourself, i usually check in once a day to catch up on celebrity fashion disasters and a dollop of tinseltown gossip to help me make it though my afternoon. [snore...]

This morning's post is of some guy named...[err...hang on, let me go back and find out his name...]...Brandon Davis (hereafter referred to as "the fat guy") who apparently trash talked Lindsay Lohan on camera while pissed out of his mind (at least i hope he was or else he looks pretty f*cked up for a sober dude).

I have never heard of this man. He's another one of those socialites who doesn't have to earn a living and can spend oodles of cash on himself for no other reason other than he can. The pic on Go Fug Yourself shows a bloated, ugly, greasy looking man in a pink shirt, with massive eyebrows and dead-looking eyes. Normally, i don't really pay much attention to this kind of "news" story...but then i noticed that Paris Hilton's name was mentioned in the article.

She was in the background of the video, laughing into a cell phone presumably at the fat guy's comments. Hmmm.

So i went to TMZ's website to have a look at the video myself. I must admit, even for hollywood standards, this fat guy reaches an all-time new low.

Skipping over all the mysogynist comments about Lindsay's anatomy, etc., what i found interesting was his comment about her financial status. You can get away with saying a lot of crap in Hollywood (ahem, tom cruise), especially regarding a person's sexual history. Look at Denise Richards, she was a victim and media-darling when she filed for divorce from Charlie and his psychotic tendencies. Poor Denise. Poor Denise whose a mother trying to protect her children from an evil, evil man. Poor Denise who's a mother and who's suffered physical and emotional abuse. But the minute the media gets wind that she's had a sexual relationship with someone, then she's immediately turned into an opportunistic, man-stealing vixen. Because mothers aren't suppose to be sexual. Mothers take care of children, they nurture, they teach, and they've already had their go at the sex thing. Mothers don't wear sexy-lingerie, they're not promiscuous, they don't beg for it in the ass, and they certainly don't spread their legs for any other reason than to have more children. Heaven forbid!

I realise that Heather whatsherface was Denise's BFF and Richie whatshisface was Heather's ex blah blah blah. That's a little weird, i'll admit. And i'll also admit that there are plenty of hot mamas in show business that the media holds up as MILF's (Rachel Hunter, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Angelina Jolie). But really...can you think of any woman who's career is just as strong now as it was before she had a baby? Maybe madonna. But even she wasn't able to recapture the same sex appeal she had before her daughter was born. People just didn't want to see her masterbating and getting it on with other men when she had a baby at home.

What does all this have to do with the fat guy at the beginning of this blog? His comments on the video are so blatantly mysogynist and illustrate the double standard of hollywood and, i'd argue, North America on the whole. Because i think that if he'd just kept his comments to her genitals and promiscuity then he'd have been able to get away with what he said. People would be so willing to accept Lindsay Lohan as a slut, or a ho or whatever you'd call it. The tabloids are full of stories about her drug-addiction(s) and the beds she's been in and out of. But Fat Guy's comments about her FINANCIAL matters were a little less palitable to the american media and people. He calls her "destitute" because she's only got $7 million in the bank.

I think this hit a nerve with most people. Considering the fact that the majority of people who buy the tabloids that print out celebrity gossip live just at or below the poverty line...i'm thinking fat guy's comment might come off sounding a bit...i dunno....snobbish? Haughty? What's the word i'm looking for...

Disgusting?

Even Howard Stern, radio's so-called SHOCK JOCK is outraged by the fat guy's comments. HOWARD F*CKING STERN. (Mr. Stern's comments can be found here.) I think that this fat dude is going to take some heat for his verbal diarrhea, much to my surprise and delight.

Oh yeah, and i wanted to say one last thing about Paris. She's pretty good about doing damage control on her image. Even the sex-tape thing wasn't bad for her "career". I think she's pretty crafty when it comes to keeping herself in the media spotlight (although i don't think she's got much in the way of intelligence). But seen lurking in the background of a video where someone is slagging off a woman who's image is dangerously close to that of Ms. Hilton herself....i dunno. Seems a risky business to me. I mean, why would you hang around with someone who basically thinks you're trash? It's kind of like those women you see in rap videos who are half naked and grinding on some guy rapping about how women are "bitches" or "ho's"--why are they there?

I guess the next question would be: who really cares about Paris Hilton? Or socialites under the age of 30? Or celebrity gossip, for that matter?

Fair point. Just thought i'd blog about it, though.

AWOL

Mon, 08 May 2006 08:28:39 EST

Where has the vixen been all this time, you may be asking? She has somehow found herself caught up in a highly addictive video game for xbox called Oblivion.

It's part of a series of games called The Elder Scrolls and this particular game is the latest installment (she thinks). Now, the vixen is not a gamer. The last video game she played was super mario 3 on Nintendo (...er...the original one). But Oblivion is unlike anything the vixen has ever encountered before...

The vixen was fortunate enough to play in a completely dark living room, on a 4" x 6" (approx) screen. Sort of like a mini-movie theatre. This provides an excellent venue for becoming completely inthralled in a game.

The vixen and her game partner then proceeded to spend the better part of 3 days in this virtual world of magic, eating little and sleeping even less.

Video games are evil, evil things. They cause sleep deprivation, malnurishment and general anxiety (to get back to the game). They also cause joint pain and muscle fatigue (in your hands) as well as sore throats (from yelling at monsters and the like).

The vixen will cut this entry short in order to resume reading the Oblivion strategy guide.

Rob Ford: time for some AA

Wed, 03 May 2006 09:56:33 EST

I would just like to say, for the record, that i think Councillor Rob Ford (Ward 2) is an ASS.

At a hockey game on April 18, he drank heavily and began swearing at the people sitting around him. A letter of complaint was written to City Hall and when the media got wind of his behaviour, he flat out denied his attendence at the game. Then he backtracked, apologized for his behavior, and blamed it on "drinking". He swears it does not affect his official duties in any capacity.

Are you serious, Mr. Ford? Or on crack? As a counsillor for the City of Toronto, you have the obligation to act in a manner befitting a representative of your constituents. They elected you for godssake. You're an embarrassment to your office, Mr. Ford and you should resign immediately.

Highlights of the letter of complaint and quotes of Mr. Ford from that evening:

At times he was physically standing up with his arms raised high in the air, shouting politically motivated obscenities

�You right wing Communist bastards.�

�Green Party f***ing rules.�

Sitting two seats to the right of this gentleman (who was continuing on with his rant) was a young boy that was approximately 7-8 years old, sitting beside his father. The father had a look of extreme discomfort on his face.

The gentleman continued on in an extremely loud way with his belligerence and obscenities to the point where I turned and calmly asked him to �tone it down a little.�

He responded, again in an extremely loud way with a verbal assault on me personally. �Who the f*** do you think you are? Are you some kind of right wing Commie bastard?"

At one point he shouted the following question at my wife and I, �Do you want your little wife to go over to Iran and get raped and shot?� and continued on with other extremely asinine comments.

At one point he questioned �are you a f***ing teacher? And continued with �what the f*** is it that you do?�

This, in combination with his antics and offensive behaviour in Council Sessions (like not even bothering to show up to vote on motions), make him in my opinion unfit to hold any public office.

Here is the entire letter of complaint.

Obsession

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 12:49:34 EST

Ok readers, it's time for me to divulge a deep, dark, terrible secret. I can't take it anymore! I have to spill my guts.

[Deep breath....here goes...]

I am addicted to 7th Heaven. I know. It's hideous. It is, without a doubt, the most disgusting example of dogmatic christian "holier than thou" crap ever to be seen on television (with the exception of Benny Hinn and his ilk). But i can't help myself, i can't stop watching it.

The rubbish acting (and i mean RUBBISH. Are these people even actors?!?), the gender stereotypes, the hypocritical messages, the blatant patriarchal values....it has me hypnotized.

The thing is, if you ignore the fact that the show caters to an ever-shrinking christian-family-values fanbase...then the show is hysterical. I mean how can you NOT laugh your ass off when a character says "i made a promise to god that i wouldn't have [any more] sex before marriage"?

I stumbled on a site, Television Without Pity, this morning that recaps some of the episodes with some...interesting...commentary on the side. I'm currently trying to ignore the muppets while i sit here, reading and giggling.

Morning Tea

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 07:10:12 EST

Sitting at my desk, drinking my morning cup of green tea, i'm scrolling through cp24's website to catch up on toronto's "news".

I click on the link about three shootings in the city last night and the story pops up: BULLETS OF BLOOD.

Bullets of Blood?. What the hell kind of crap news caption is that? Sounds like some kind of hideous low-budget steven segall movie with b-list actors.

Ewwwwww.

Afterburn

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 13:23:50 EST

I'm beginning to think that we're more different than i had planned.

The Muppet in the Irony Mask

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 13:31:24 EST

By sheer, utter, horrid coincidence....the b/f has programmed his phone to play the muppet-theme when i call him on his mobile.

Mwoi.

Oh, the irony.

Thought Process

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 12:43:32 EST

So after my last post, i got to thinking: god, i'm really depressed. Everyone else has these perfect lives with perfect partners in perfect houses and my life is such a big mess all the time. I feel like such a failure. I've screwed up so many times i don't deserve the happiness my friends have found.

Then i got to thinking: hey, WTF? I'm not normally depressed...and there's a lot going on in my life that i am really happy about. What gives? Hang on...it's period time, so i guess i'm just moody, blah, blah, blah. But it honestly hasn't ever seemed this bad before, with the crying, the anxiety, the nightmares, and the plunge in self-esteem. (Oh, and now nausea this morning)

Then i got to thinking: wait a minute...last month was like this too. Bursting into tears, being hyper-sensitive about stuff, snapping at people all the time, generally grumpy and irritated. And these headaches! Getting progressively worse, my advil migraine will no longer help with the pain. I just mindlessly eat painkillers while my head feels like someone is bashing it in with a baseball bat. What is going on with my body?

THEN i got to thinking about those little green pills and their pink counterparts....

I started looking up "birth control pill" and "depression" in google. Seems like there are some side effects i hadn't considered before (sheer arrogance: of course I would never suffer from these):

NAUSEA AND VOMITING(particularly in the first few cycles)
HEADACHES
DEPRESSION
VAGINAL YEAST INFECTIONS (yes, readers, this one we already know about)

Intrigued, i kept looking and came across a very interesting discussion forum that discussed this subject in more detail. I almost fell out of my chair reading through the posts, these women are describing exactly the way i feel. I think this is more than a little strange.

So f*ck THIS noise. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow.

Tick, Tock

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 08:37:16 EST

I had the baby dream again last night. A little girl, yellow sleepers, 4 months old. Fat cheeks, big, big eyes. I was putting her to bed and i realized she had a fever. Her dad picked her up and was holding her while i wet a cold cloth. We were frantically looking for children's tylenol to bring down the fever. When i woke up i could smell that newborn baby smell.

Why? WHY? Why do i keep having dreams about babies?? Today i feel bruised and hurt by the dream. What is my body trying to tell me? I know that i'm not pregnant, so it's not that. Is this my biological clock trying to tell me that i should hurry up? Am i running out of time? Why is the pressure for marriage and babies coming from INSIDE me rather then from parents, friends, etc.?

These dreams really rattle me. I feel like i'm going to burst into tears at any second. I have the whole rest of my life to find a partner and have children, there is no rush. But i think some tiny bit of me wants those dreams to be true...and that really freaks me out. Really.

Public Announcement

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 08:45:02 EST

Please, readers, remember this name: Dirk Sankersingh.

On friday February 24, 2006 Mr. Sankersingh was causing a disturbance around a drive-thru ATM in the area of Lawrence and Kingston road in Toronto. Apparently Mr. Sankersingh could not wait an extra 1-2 minutes to get to the cashpoint and began harassing motorists ahead of him.

Const. Kevin Bradfield with the mounted unit of Toronto Police was near by and attemped to detain Mr. Sankersingh on a traffic stop. Instead of functioning as a normal human being, Mr. Sankersingh pulled his car ahead of the officer, made a u-turn AND SMASHED HIS CAR DIRECTLY INTO THE OFFICER AND HIS HORSE, BRIGADIER. The officer was thrown and suffered moderate injuries. The horse, however, was injured so badly that he had to be put down at the scene.

They had to shoot that horse right there, in the middle of Lawrence Ave. and Kingston Road.

I would just like to say that i think Mr. Dirk Sankersingh is a disgusting, heinous individual. I hope that he is sent to jail for a very, very long time. He ought to be charged with attempted murder. What kind of human being does something like this? BECAUSE OF A F*CKING TRAFFIC STOP?

Muppet Philosophy

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 08:10:17 EST

This morning Miss Piggy waddled up to my desk and said "Who moved the filing cabinet?" while i was literally in the middle of a conversation with someone. I'm highly suspicious that Miss P is developmentally delayed since the person i was talking to (the temp) was standing right in front of me.

The temp and i both turned around and looked at her with raised eyebrows. I told The Pig "I don't know. I didn't notice it was moved."

Now, i admit, i assumed this response would be adequate for a person of normal intelligence so i didn't bother to explain what "i don't know" means. But once again proving her subnormal brain capacity, The Pig pursued the issue.

"When was it moved?"

I believe that when talking to children, you should speak slowly and clearly, and try not to use a lot of big words:

"I'm really not sure, since i didn't notice that it had been moved. I don't know who moved it or when."

Miss Piggy responds with "That's weird."

I suddenly felt a surge of sympathy for the muppet, since she was very clearly lost and confused by The Mystery of the Moving Cabinet so i (regretfully) offered some advice.

"Why don't you ask [the head muppet]? Maybe she knows."

Gentle reader, i am painfully aware that i expected too much of this poor muppet so you need not chastise me. I shall endeavor to help muppets whenever possible to make ammends in any way I can. The demise of our conversation goes like this:

Miss Piggy: "Why? Did she move the cabinet?"

Me: "...uh, no. [Pause] I just said i don't know who moved it? But maybe [the head muppet] knows when it was moved? Maybe?"

Miss Piggy: "Well I didn't know that YOU didn't know that...[gibberish]...[high whiny voice]...[more gibberish in an attempt to sound mocking tone]....huh."

And then she waddled away, back into the realm of stupidity from which she came.

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is the level of intelligence i deal with on a daily basis.

Conspiracy Theory

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 07:49:37 EST

For those of you who are closely following my health crises, i will provide an update.

Last month i decided, somewhat reluctantly, to go back on the birth control pill. I took it about 7 years ago, with little success and for an extremely short duration.

Problems: 1999

Forgetting to take the pill
Expenses ($20/month)
Recurring Yeast Infections

Despite the above, i decided to try again. I figured that as a responsible and informed adult, i could make this method of birth control work for me.

Problems: 2006

Forgetting to take the pill
Expenses ($20/month) (Hey...it's $240/year!)
Recurring Yeast Infections

This morning at 3:45 am i discovered that i am the proud owner, yet again, of a yeast infection. Another one. I'm so freaking pissed off right now, i don't know what to do with myself. I know that changes in hormone levels can cause these infections...and i have a very sneaky suspicion that my birth control method of choice is to blame. In January i started taking the pill and a few days later--WHAM--yeast infection. February, i start back on the pill after 7 little green sugar pills and--WHAM--yeast infection. I haven't had one for YEARS until now.

Hmmmm. Methinks something is not right.

So, last month's total: $20 for the pills, $40 for over the counter medication to treat the infection (both times it did not work), 7 sleepless nights in absolute agony and discomfort, 1 lunch hour for my Dr.'s appointment, $28 for prescription medication for the infection (finally worked after 3 days).

And here i thought the pill was designed to prevent pregnancy by tampering with a woman's ovulation cycle. Nuh-uh! Apparently it's through abstinence SINCE I CAN'T HAVE ANY FREAKING SEX DURING ALL OF THIS.

This is completely nuts. I've just paid $88 to not have sex for a 10 days.

The Wonderful World of Muppets

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 13:13:56 EST

So...

a very dear friend has suggested to me that instead of trying to come up with clever names for the muppets in my office....why don't i just call them muppet names?

For some, this might have seemed a little obvious. But for brain-dead people like me...it wasn't. (Hey people, i'm still working with velcro shoes, ok?)

To that end, this link was sent to me to aid me in my "muppet naming". If you are considering naming someone you know after a muppet, i highly recommend this site. It came in very handy.

This blog, then, is my offical muppet-re-name christening for my devoted and hard-working collegues. Let the good times begin!

Breaking Point

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 14:07:28 EST

WHY CAN'T MUPPETS LEARN TO PROBLEM SOLVE? WHY?? WHY?!? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE BLINKING UNIVERSE! TRY TO FIX IT YOURSELF!

AAAARGH!

Little Green Pills

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 13:49:28 EST

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I feel so grumpy and irritable. I'm trying to avoid people so i don't snap at them. I almost murdered two people on the GO Train this morning.

Maybe it's this darn birth control pill. My period is 'regulated' to the 7 days when i take the little green sugar pills. No more randomness.

it's a little bit sad, really.

Arg

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:37:32 EST

Just because i sit up at the front desk does NOT mean that you can come up and talk to me whenever you feel like it. It's so irritating when people walk by my desk and hang over the side to see what i'm doing or start up a conversation when i'm in the middle of actually doing work. I am not sitting up here waiting for someone to come up and amuse me, nor is my job to sit here and acknowledge people as they go by.

I'M WORKING, YOU STUPID MUPPETS.

Now piss off and let me do my blinking job.

The Problem that now has a name

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 08:33:03 EST

Betty Friedan:

thank god for your clear and accessible writing. I never would have made it through women's studies if i'd only had the likes of Judith Butler to critique.

you will be missed.

Cow Spotting

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 10:43:29 EST

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

I would just like to say to all the stupid, ignorant, ugly cows gawping at me on my bus this morning:

I KNOW THAT I'M NOT WEARING PANTYHOSE. I. KNOW. IKNOWIKNOWIKNOWIKNOWIKNOW.

I've just had invasive surgery. I developed an infection. I had to take antibiotics. Antibiotics cause yeast infections, one of which i now have.

I'm uncomfortable. I'm irritated. I'm in pain. AND I CAN'T WEAR ANY TIGHT FITTING CLOTHING INCLUDING F*CKING PANTYHOSE. That's why my legs are bare. That's why i'm going to be wearing my tall boots at work today. But they don't have any traction on ice so i have to wear little ankle boots to the bus stop so i don't fall and break my neck.

So all you ladies who were staring at me this morning on the bus can all just f*ck off and die. I hope you all get yeast infections. And to the hoe-bag who makes the fluttery eyelashes to all the men on the bus? You might want to start considering using deodorant once in a while. How would YOU like it if i held my nose when you sit beside me?

Rainy Sunday

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 12:51:59 EST

I locked myself in the bathroom this morning. It's so disgusting that you are able to bring me to tears so swiftly, while i know that i will probably never evoke such a response from you...ever.

I have tried to listen to you and accept who you are. I have tried to be understanding and supportive and treat you in the same way that i feel i would like to be treated. I have tried to be a grown up in a grown up relationship.

But when you dismiss me or make light of my needs, it really hurts. And i think it hurts even MORE because you've become so important to me. My tears this morning were not for you, but because i think i've fallen into that trap that so many women swear up and down they will never be duped into. My realization: i do things for you because i think they will make you happy. Cleaning, shopping, even more intimate things....all because they make you happy/excited/etc. You have never asked me to do these things, and i imagine would be horrified if you knew that sometimes my heart just wasn't in it. But because i care about you, i CHOOSE to do them.

Funny thing is, i expect the same in return. I do things for you and try to keep the reason a secret...and then i expect you to do the same thing for me without telling you. Isn't this f*cking nuts? How can i possibly expect this from you? Can you read my mind? Have i gone completely bonkers?

Momentary Pause

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 14:00:41 EST

There have been a hundred moments in which your words have made me perfectly happy.

Perfect.

Happiness.

Such a rare thing.

Proportionality

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 22:12:57 EST

apparently my comfort level is directly proportional to your mood.

Hmm.

Gravel Spray

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 12:21:30 EST

The sharp, hurtful little bits are coming up more frequently these days. I'm sure feeling sorry for myself makes me hyper-sensitive, but i just take for granted that you overlook this failing given present circumstances.

You seem cold and removed from me and i'm not sure if it's something i've done or if it's just how you are. It's frustrating that i have nothing to fall back on with you, i feel as if i'm stumbling around in some sort of emotional mine field. Maybe there is something to be said for being friends first.

This space that i have created with you was, at first, so thrilling and positive. Now...it seems to be taking on a more subdued overtone. Am i doing this? What is going on with me?

Afterward

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:44:30 EST

Having surgery is a great way to force yourself to sit back and relax, stay in and quietly reflect on your life. And, if you're like me and have to do everything in a melodramatic fashion, it's also a way to test the upper most limits of your pain tolerance. (Hurrah for percocet!)

J.K. has been a fantastic support and has tolerating my bitching and whining with the utmost kindness and understanding. I realize it is difficult to listen to anyone constantly complain about pain, stitches, and discomfort let alone someone you haven't known for very long.

JAN. 05 -- PRESENT

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 20:44:41 EST

1 x backless hospital gown
1 x scary walk to operating room
1 x general anesthetic (and resulting disorientation)

2 x attempts at walking to hospital bathroom
2 x overpowering dizzy spell and potential fainting/puking episodes
1 x having to use bedpan and thus peeing in front of a room full of people
1 x shot of morphine
1 x degrading and demoralizing overnight hospital stay

40 x tylenol 3 tablets for pain
36 x Percocet tablets left over from previous injury
10 x gravol tablets

5 x days spent unable to move arms for any reason
2 x days spent unable to do anything at all except cry
14 x days spent in complete and utter agony

--------------------------------------------------

= 2 beautiful new breasts

The Muppets Return

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 09:21:54 EST

Another day at the fun house that is my office. Things are stressed out to the max here, everyone is buried under mountains of work and very, very grumpy. It's pretty irritating for me, since i'm working pretty hard myself but am managing not to snap at other people. I think i'm going to revive my "muppet" label for these idiots since, apparently, my newfound respect for them was sorely misplaced.

Asked one of the muppets for help with a massive deadline the other day, figuring that since i had helped her through most of last year with her workload (i'm not kidding, she was doing the job that i'm currently working on and i helped her complete at least 50% to 75% of the task), she wouldn't mind returning the favor. You know what she said? "No." Just like that. "No." What a f*cking b*itch. She didn't even bother to say she'd try to help out when she could, or that she was sorry she wasn't immediately available. Just "no". The next time she comes to me for help about her f*cking computer i'm going to say "I don't know" and give her the phone number to call. Let her figure it out. Stupid muppet.

Another muppet is also seriously pissing me off. One that i have never actually referred to as such, since until now i have had immense respect and admiration for. I'd like to think we've been friends. As of yesterday, however, she's been hit by the "i'm a stropy cow and a fridgid c*nt" bat and has turned into an absolute nightmare to work with. She's upset because she will have to take care of my daily tasks while i'm away for the next two weeks and she dosen't want to do this. I didn't make this executive decision but i'm assuming it makes her feel better to take out all her snotty-ness on me. So, fine. I was busting my ass yesterday to get my work finished before i leave, but i think now i'll just take my time. Whatever i don't get finished the she'll have to do. ;> Oh look...there's a mountain of mail....

Ponderings

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 17:15:25 EST

Can you fall in love with someone without really knowing them?

Gravel

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 10:20:54 EST

Talking last night made my head spin a bit. You're so hard to understand sometimes, i'm not sure whether it's because you're older and i'm a little intimidated or if you're actually speaking in riddles. Or acting in riddles.

Am i out of my depth? More and more often i feel out of place in your life.

Waiting to Exhale

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 12:38:34 EST

this uneasy feeling is getting stronger. Is this my failing? I trust that you wont take my heart and smash it. Because, looking into those grey depths, i feel certain that there is something more than desire. Was i wrong? Could i have missed that subtle warning?

And yet.

Already an omission that took my breath away. Technically not a lie, just not the whole truth. It took everything just to breathe again and now it feels like i've been punched in the stomach. Your words force me to pause for a microsecond, rewind all our moments of understanding and pick apart the threads of your personality. I don't really know you.

I can accept inconsequential. I get that. But don't tell me things i want (need?) to hear just because you can. It makes you seem small and cold. If you are planning on leaving then just leave. Go. I'm not sure why you stopped here in the first place.

First Impressions

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 11:28:27 EST

I'm beginning to get the impression that i'm being played.

---- BREAK ---

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 10:04:10 EST

Start again.

Cohesion

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 09:15:30 EST

Falling out of love with someone is so hideous. Even worse is coming to the realization that you weren't in love with them to begin with.

How could i have let this go on for so long?

The Sum of all Parts

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 14:39:56 EST

I'm really just a collection of massive failures.

Lightbulb

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 11:37:17 EST

Just talked to MC boy. Asked him how his date went (he met some chic in a bar and got her number). Not only did he tell me about how attractive she was and how he had to wait all night just to get her number, he went into a very vivid description of how long and gorgeous her legs were.

Just to recap: After telling me how "he feels as if he can tell me anything" and that he really likes me and wants me to stay over at his place (which i didn't) he's been avoiding me for 3.5 weeks. If i send him a text, he ignores it, if i call him i get kicked into voicemail. This behaviour has really hurt my feelings, since I didn't do anything to bring this all about (for once in my life) and now i seem to have lost a particularly good friend in the process. What's the deal? Because i didn't sleep with him then he's not interested?

So today he tells me this big long story about how the chic he picked up has been dodging his calls and not returning messages for the past two weeks. Huh. Said he feels like an ass because he should have just got the message that she was playing games. Apparently she's around the same age as me and he goes on to explain how it's rediculous that someone as old as that should be behaving this way. I have three words:

WHAT. THE. F*CK.

What the f*ck is WRONG with this man? Is he derranged? Is he mentally challenged? I cannot believe he just had the audacity to tell me that story. I feel like punching him in the face. Hard. I'm so angry right now i can't speak properly. I keep stuttering out incoherent words when people ask me things. I feel completely stupid for falling for all his bullsh*t. AND HE'S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD LOOKING FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

I hope he breaks his bloody neck.

Empathy vs. sex appeal

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 14:08:17 EST

You know what the problem is with being highly empathetic?

I've become the "awesome listener", "person i can tell anything to", and the "supportive friend who's always there". Normally i wouldn't find these descriptions all that offensive except....

...when did i cease being the "beautiful, sexy, i really want to date you" kind of woman?

It's like i have some sort of sign on my forehead saying WARNING: HAS LOST SEX APPEAL. When in god's name did i lose it? Where did it go? Don't they have to give you some kind of notice before revoking this status? Can you be granted an appeal?

I'm guessing the dissapearance of sex appeal began about the same time my boobs started migrating south.

D Day

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 14:05:59 EST

Board of Trade, Toronto.
Council Meeting
9:15 am

How the hell did i end up here? How?!? Not only is this the single most uncomfortable seating arrangement i've ever had the misfortune of being in, but i'm completely trapped for another 45 mins. I am desperately fighting the urge to leap up and run out the door. Anxiety is making my throat close almost completely. I can't even drink water. (Please don't ask me anything...please don't ask me to explain these numbers...please...god...)

All i can think about is spinning around and saying "stop looking at me. you're a coward and i despise you for making me feel like sh*t."

The Road Frequently Traveled

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 11:12:01 EST

Alright. I've been a bad little blogger of late. So, without further ado, i'll just jump right in.

It needs to be said: I bought the new Ferry Corsten and have been spending quite a number of evenings bopping around in my basement. Go buy it. Right now.

I have been thinking a lot about my past lately. Specifically, my attention span when it comes to relationships. It's like i'm genetically programmed to bail after a year and a half. What is going on? I thought i would grow out of this, i thought that when i became an adult my heart would finally understand the word "commitment".

Except it hasn't.

Hypnosis

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 09:02:08 EST

i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke i will not smoke....

Fug...what?

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 10:56:40 EST

Has anyone ever seen this site: GO FUG YOURSELF?

I almost peed myself laughing.

The Bovine Bulge

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 06:27:10 EST

I feel like such a f*cking fat cow sometimes.

The Trough of Disillusionment

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 07:39:43 EST

Ugh.

I was doing so well with practicing on the turntables over the past few weeks. I've been really excited about learning new stuff and making fluid mixes. I feel like i'm actually doing something that i enjoy.

I try not to look too far outside of my limited talents but sometimes curiosity gets the better of me and i can't help it. And i just end up feeling BAD about...well...everything, really. *sigh* It's so silly, i'm doing my best, i'm moving towards a long-standing goal, i'm trying so hard. But i feel so far BEHIND right now.

Myagi has a new residency at Boa on saturday nights. He's worked so hard and very much deserves the spotlight for the amount of work he's put into producing in the past two years. He seems to have a natural talent for all this, and all his hard work is really paying off. He's playing MOS in february of next year.

I don't seem to have any natural talent. I feel very....small...in light of andrew's news. Like even if i worked at this for a hundred years i'd never really be any good or produce anything worth hearing. It's like i'm just this horribly pathetic person, jumping on some kind of band-wagon. I feel so rediculous in record shops, i can't remember the names of record labels (let alone audio equipment), my set up is sorely lacking...and i can't even freaking mix properly. What the hell kind of dj is THAT?

Maybe everyone feels this way when they first start something. I'm just thinking...what's the point? I'll never be really good anyway, so why bother? Who am i kidding? I'll never make any music.

In the Dog House

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 13:10:46 EST

I don't think Max Graham likes Toronto anymore. Maybe he's a little bitter about his continued (rapid) decent down dj mag's top 100 dj poll, who knows? Apparently he's quite keen on those results.

At any rate, he hardly every play in toronto anymore. Doesn't he have a residency at System?

Max! Where have you gone?

Ronski Speed - True to Trance November 2005

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 11:30:17 EST

01. Blank & Jones - Revealed (Mix2) [Gang Go] 02. Matt Darey - Eternity (Thomas Datt Dub Mix) [Darey Products] 03. U2 - Where The Streets Have No Name (Nu-Nrg Remix) [CD-R] 04. Guiseppe Ottaviani - Linking People (Extended Version) [Vandit] 05. Mirco De Govia - Vital Spark (Original Mix) [Euphonic] 06. Marco V. - False Light (Paul Van Dyk Rework) [CD-R] 07. Octagen vs. Midor - Rush Hour [Fundamental] 08. Ronski Speed with Stoneface & Terminal - Incognition (Club Mix) [Euphonic] 09. John O'Bir - Effectual (Original Mix) 10. Mystery Islands & Harmasala pres. K-DE - 4th Floor (Find Me) [Monster Tunes] 11. Solar Scape - Alive (Ronski Speed with Stoneface & Terminal Remix) [Somatic Sense]

Matt Darey - March 2005

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 10:21:33 EST

Max Graham feat. Jessica � I Know You're Gone [Shinemusic] 02. Asle pres. Frost � Wait for Me (Max Graham's Side Chain Mix) [Oven Ready] 03. Yilmaz Altanhan � Eighties (�zg�r Can Main Mix) [Anjunabeats] 04. Ernesto & Bastian � Darkside of the Moon (Original Mix) [High Contrast] 05. Blank & Jones feat. Bobo � Perfect Silence (E-Craig's 212 Mix) [Spinnin'] 06. L.S.G. - Netherworld 2005 (Oliver Prime Remix) [Joof] 06a.Cosmic Gate vs. Freefall � Skydive (Accapella) [CDR] 07. Oliver Prime � Mind Games (Original Mix) [Reset] 08. Martin Roth � This is the Last Time [Gang Go] 09. Art of Trance � Mongoose (Tektonik Remix) [Platipus] 10. Sandler � The Theme Song (Original Mix) [Liquid]

Audio Progression

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 14:05:13 EST

The vixen has been spending a large amount of her time with her turntables lately. She met someone who is delighted to help her figure out the basics...a dj "lesson" if you will.

She is now able to mix more and more music together (a blessing for her housemate no doubt). Breaking down elements of a track is proving difficult at this stage, the vixen's ears are not attuned to this as yet.

It is a marvellous experience to actually syncronize the beats of two tracks into a seemless piece of music (on purpose rather than by sheer luck). The vixen can spend hours at her tables now, mixing, mixing, mixing. She is learning to adjust the high, mid and low frequencies to discover her "sound".

She is making progress.

She has not learned, however, to use her headphones while mixing. All her train wrecks are still very much audiable to the general public.

A world of Muppets

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 07:37:48 EST

Fish eyes just dragged her ugly ass by my desk and I didn't even get the good morning grunt. What's up with that? Maybe her hideous hairstyles kept her up at night. I seriously think a bird is nesting on her head.

Worked from home yesterday for the first time in my life. Last week my boss asked me to come up with a sitemap for the new website that's in the works. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem except that there are so many areas in this organization that i know nothing about. How the hell am i suppose to know what headings and sub-headings people are going to need? Ok, i think, don't panic.

She offered to let me work at home and i thought i'd try it out, see what it's like. I worked from about 10 pm until 1:30 am on sunday night to get a head start on all my work and figured i could sleep in until 9 am the next morning since i didn't have to trek to the office. Ha! Sleeping? Forget about it. My boss calls me at 8:30 am to ask about the inner workings of a projector. A f*cking projector. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PROJECTORS. I want to sleep because i've just stayed up way past my bedtime working on a project that no one else wants to help me with. Dazed and confused, i explain to her that i've just worked until the wee hours (note: i usually go to bed at 9:30 pm) and that i have absolutely no idea why the ben-Q is not connecting to the ThinkPad. I don't even remember what she said. I think something about trying to fix it herself.

So. This MORNING: i come into work and she's kind of acting all weird. I can't figure it out? Is she angry that i was sleeping at 8:30 am? Does she know that i worked for almost 12 hours yesterday? Probably not.

*sigh*

I suppose it dosen't matter. It's just i take my projects very seriously. If i'm working on something, i become obsessed with it and try to do the best possible job. At 4:30 pm if my task is not finished i can't simply say "well, that's the end of my work day. It will just have to wait." Like this website stuff, for example. I spend a lot of my off hours reading up on programming languages, servers, style sheets, graphic design, website layout, etc. I think people are beginning to take for granted that i use my free time to do this. They assume that i know how to fix every problem, giving me less and less time to find the answers.

Grrr. This is so frustrating.

DJ Riot

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 09:30:52 EST

For My Angel tracklisting:

01. Memnon feat. Julie Mays - Eclipse (Luzon Remix) 02. Perpetuous Dreamer - The Sound Of Goodbye (Armin's Basic Instinct Remix) 03. ATB - Hypnotic Beach 04. DJ Tiesto - Just Be (Album Version) 05. Conjure One - Tears From The Moon (DJ Tiesto's In Search Of Sunrise Remix) 06. Andain - Beautiful Things (Photon Project Remix) 07. OceanLab feat. Justine Suissa - Clear Blue Water (Ferry Corsten Remix) 08. Ron Van Den Beuken - Endless 09. Agnelli & Nelson feat. Aureas - Holding Onto Nothing (Paul van Dyk Remix) 10. DJ Tiesto - Adagio For Strings

Onwards and Upwards

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 09:12:07 EST

ahahahahahahaha!

Total number of successful mixing of two records (to date): 2

The Cascade Effect

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 11:24:41 EST

NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS SOMEWHAT GRAPHIC CONTENT. READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

Lately, i have had a couple of "run-ins" with the medical community. Since i work in health care, it's not that unusual that i speak with people regularly on a number of health issues but these are mostly to do with legislation, government policy, and Regulatory Health College practice.

Moving outside of this beaurocratic framework is something that i don't often do, i'm generally in good health but seemed to have developed some conditions that require i seek medical attention from the front lines.

And it's been quite a ride, let me tell you.

My first "run-in" was several weeks ago regarding a breast reduction assessment by a plastic surgeon. Something i've been thinking about for a long time and figured now's a good time as any to start looking into it. My specialist appointment had been scheduled since April and after 7 long months of waiting...the blessed day arrived.

I've never been to a plastic surgeon. No idea what to expect. Plus, it was a "he" and not a "she", which i found very disconcerting. I've always gone to a female doctor and the thought of a man asking me extremely personal questions about my breasts and medical history made me apprehensive to say the least. I was so nervous my palms were sweaty!

The doctor seemed very pleasant and capable, not making an issue out of the operation or stirring my fears about major surgery. I'll admit it, the thought of being cut open scares the beejesus out of me but compared to spending the rest of my life with breasts the size of texas scares me even more. What i was very much afraid of when i went into that office was that he was going to tell me flat out to forget it, it wouldn't be covered by OHIP and i'd have to live with these suckers for the rest of my life (which, thank god, didn't happen). What did happen, however, was that i had to have an exam and a photograph for insurance purposes. Oy. Talk about completely embarassing and humiliating. He was extremely professional, thankfully, and the whole assessment was over is about 30 mins. Result of run-in: satisfactory experience. Was needed and incurred the least amount of pain and suffering as possible. (I'll reserve my whole judgement until after the surgery, however.)

My second "run-in" was...a little different. Last sunday i woke up with moderate back pain and figured that it was a combination of being tired and over-worked. I stayed in bed for most of the day. Monday i was fine. Tues, more back pain and other symptoms. I'm thinking "great, my body's falling apart...i'm getting old....where the f*ck is that advil?". So i go to a walk-in clinic downtown to see what in the freaking hell is wrong with me now.

Me: I think i have a UTI, except i don't have a lot of the symptoms, which is really weird.

Doctor: Well, there are red blood cells in the sample you provided, which is not good. I think you have kidney stones. You'll have to go for an ultrasound.

Me: Um. What?

What kind of crapola is this?!? I'm not even 30 and i could have kidney stones? KIDNEY STONES?!? My body is completely defective. I want my money back! This is so not fair. After cursing about a million times (to myself, of course), i make the appointment for the ultrasound. Here's where things get REALLY good.

It's for 8:40 in the morning. Great, i think, because then i don't have to miss much of work. I wait for 20+ minutes without anyone telling me "we're just running a little late but haven't forgot about you". When my name is finally called, i'm greeted by a very stern looking, eastern-European woman who (i believe) has an S&M fetish. She orders me into a dressing room to remove (yet again) my top and put on the fuglyist blue robe i've ever seen. We then move into the exam room.

I'm suppose to lie on the table, she says. No, further down. No, further over. No, keep your hip in line with the end of the machine. Now we move on the the gel. Thank god and all things holy that it was heated because she poured about 2000 fl. oz. on my stomach area. I would have screamed bloody murder if that had been cold. After smearing it around with "the instrument" she proceeded to dig it so hard into my tummy that i honestly thought i was going to barf. Except there was one problem:

I'm pretty ticklish. And given that i was already nervous about being there, it was as if my ticklish-ness was heightened.

So there i am, lying on this hideous table, in a deplorable robe, with a gallon of hot gel all over me, and a psychotic technician (who obviously has trouble with giving patients directions) tickling me beyond all reason. I couldn't stop! The more i laughed, the more she got mad. At me! I kept trying to tell her "YOU are tickling me. It really TICKLES" but she wouldn't listen. And after scanning my whole stomach, she then moved to my sides. Oy. That was even worse. The good thing, however, is that i learned that i have two kidneys, a galbladder, a liver and a spleen (she wouldn't let me see them on the screen though). I knew they were all in there somewhere, but not specifically where.

After about 5 mins, she was REALLY mad. She then blamed me for her first patient being late and how her appointment schedule was all off. Wtf? Fortunately, i was able to pull myself together enough for her to get the images.

Result of second run-in: yeah, not so great. Left a lot to be desired if you ask me. What did i learn? Not every health care worker is trained in the art of bedside manner. And it's a shame, really. A bad reputation is an easy thing to acquire and a hard thing to get rid of.

Bad Parent

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 14:34:56 EST

My poor turntables are suffering from neglect. Every time i go into the basement i see them sitting there, looking all dejected.

I feel so guilty. And they're only bloody turntables!

Club Elite Sessions (October 2005) - M.I.K.E

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 14:13:07 EST

JAMES MONROE : DEEPER
DASO T. : ANDERS
CHAB : SUNRISE
MELT : DESTINY
RUSS JAMES : AIRWALKER
MIDOR : MAGNETIC
KYLE EMERSON : BREAKOUT (HOUSETRAP RMX)
WAY OUT WEST : KILLA (ORKIDEA VS. DALLAS SUPERSTARS RMX)
M.I.K.E. V2 : CRIME TIME
NICK TOUCH : OOOH
GABRIEL BATZ : FENDAHL (PROMO-CLUB ELITE LIMITED)
V.F.R : TRANCEILLUSION
SOLAR STONE: EASTERN SEA (MARTIN ROTH RMX)
M.I.K.E. : STRANGE WORLD 2006 (MR. CR�ME FRESH RMX) - (PROMO-CLUB ELITE)
DIUX : FEEL NO SHAME
FINOR : DILLEMA (DJ REMY RMX)
JDK : PHANTOMS (OZGUR CAN RMX)
FILTERHEADZ : SANTIAGO
T.B.A. : S.O.S.
ARMIN VS. M.I.K.E. : INTRUDER (M.I.K.E.'S TECHNOLOGY EDIT)

Tiesto - Magik 7 Live in Los Angeles

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 10:35:05 EST

the auranaut - people want to be needed
three drives - sunset on ibiza
schiller - das glockenspiel (humate remix)
ballroom - come along!
insigma - open your eyes (insigma mix)
jan johnston - flesh (dj ti�sto remix)
riva - stringer
m.i.k.e. - sunrise at palamos
push - strange world (2000 remake)
utah saints - lost vagueness (oliver lieb's main mix)
mario piu a.k.a. the dj arabesque - bass control
dj ti�sto - flight 643
the green martian - industry
planisphere - moonshine
cj bolland - the prophet

Note

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 11:48:47 EST

The muppets are quiet today. Half of them have the plague.

Good Grief

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 09:26:17 EST

It's funny how good books pull you into another world. Someone elses world. Your own life melts away, leaving only the actions and thoughts of the person on the page. This particular book, "Good Grief" by Lolly Winston, is amazingly fantastic.

I'll never miss Ethan any less than i did on the day that he died. I know this, because i don't miss my mother any less than the day she drove off the road twenty-three years ago. My grief is diminished, but if feels permanent, like a small scar. I have brown hair, brown eyes, wear size seven shoes. I miss my husband, miss my mother. Two chips out of my heart like birthmarks.

I know that passage sound a little heavy, but the book isn't all like that. It's funny and smart, just like the main character. Over the past few years i have also experienced the loss of loved ones. It is a lot like Winston describes: chips out of me. Scars. As if you're born with a certain amount of happiness and after each death you're happiness is eroded. I'll never be perfectly happy again. Now i can only be 85% happy. Now 76%.

Although Sophie is dealing with grief and loss, the book is not only about this. She meets new people, she pushes on. I bought it yesterday and i'm almost finished it, i couldn't put it down (this morning i look like death warmed up due to lack of sleep).

I guess this is suppose to go under the book review section, but feels more like a blog topic to me.

The Muppet Show P:II

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 07:43:16 EST

Fish eyes trundles through the door this morning, giving me her customary grunt as she passes by my desk. I think it's suppose to be an acknowledgment but i can never really tell.

Oh right. Now it's time for the muppets to have their ritual morning smoke-break which they never invite me on. They saunter past my desk, engrossed in some ridiculous conversation about Gareth's binge drinking or fish eyes' ugly child (he takes after his mother), and slam the door as they leave the office. Thanks, guys! Actually, they try not to invite anyone to go with them but begrudgingly allow supervisors to join them if pressed. If fish eyes wasn't so ugly i'd suspect them of having an affair.

When fish eyes isn't here, however, Gareth always asks me if i want to go for a smoke. I think he gets lonely. His tiny little pea brain can't cope if he's got no one to talk to. I can't stand being in an elevator with him, let alone go for a 10 min break, so i always decline his invitation.

When the boss isn't here, fish eyes and gareth take a million smoke breaks. The other day i counted and they had taken 3 before 10 am. They're suppose to start at 8:30 but they fart around and talk (make coffee too) until about 9 (sometimes later) and then check their email, etc until about 9:30. Obviously, they're invaluable members of the "team".

Actually, when i first started working here, Gareth was in need of some serious anger management. He came in late every day, talked very badly (and loudly) about his superiors, skived off all his work, read novels at his desk, and surfed the internet. He was pretty poisonous. He kept telling me how crap the office was and how he was so much better than this place. It was also around this time that he told me people were "losers" if they went to University and got a degree. He was a street kid in high school and reads a lot of "classics" so he figures he's just as smart as someone who went to Uni. (I mean, gosh, can't you just learn everything from The Odyssey?) But a very short while later, he was called on the carpet by the boss and there was a remarkable change in his attitude. He started coming in early, keeping his mouth shut, doing some work. My guess is that they told him to either get with the program or get out, no one was forcing him to stay here.

Gareth has written a book. A children's novel. I think he genuinely believes he's going to be the next J. K. Rowling and make a bisquillon dollars on his manuscript. He constantly talks about how he's sent it off to the publishers and soon he'll have so much money he'll be able to stay home and watch tv all day. From what i've read of his work-related writing....he's not very good. He uses lots of big, fancy words that i'm sure he gets from all the "classics" he reads but dosen't really know their meaning. One time we got to discussing Russian literature (which i know absolutely nothing about) and he kept making all these sweeping statements. Since i've only read Anna Karinina, i had little input into the conversation. But when i called him on a point, he kind of stammered a bit and said "well...i haven't actually read the book but....".

Ironically, there is an episode of The Office almost exactly like this...

The Muppet Show

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 14:25:29 EST

Ho hum, pig's bum...

Another hour left for work. The muppets are quiet today, thank god. I realize that i'm going to have to make up names for the muppets if i'm going to discuss them in later posts. To that end...

Gareth - Muppet who takes smoke break every hour and complains about work load. Ever seen BBC's "The Office"? This muppet is a lot like Gareth Keenan. A LOT. He insists that he knows everything, barely graduated high school, constantly argues, kisses up to anyone he thinks is his superior. This man is the epitome of the words "power trip". I am seriously considering putting his stapler in some lemon jello.

Fish Eyes - Gareth's stick-insect work friend. Ugly, condecending, rude, obnoxious. Her favorite expression is a sneer. Glasses magnify her eyes so much it looks like she's peering through a fishbowl.

Goo...will have to finish later...home time!

Harry Starwalker

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 14:27:06 EST

Is it me or is Harry Potter beginning to sound a lot like Starwars?

I just finished reading the Half-Blood Prince (i know, i'm a little behind the times), during which i experienced several episodes of deja vu. Where have i heard this story before?

Oh that's riiiiiight.... The great, all-consuming, creativity-sucking, profit-generating, CGI-obsessing, corporation of kaka that is LucasFilm. (Hello, George.) Don't misunderstand me, i LOVE starwars. Completely and utterly i am a tried and true starwars geek-ola. But honestly, George owes me around 4 hours of my life back for watching E:I and E:II. (For the love of god, George, how could you pick Hayden? And what's with the over-acting kid?)

I digress. Back to Harry. His path is veering strangely close to Luke's, is it not? The both grew up as orphans. They both show surprising talent early on in life (HP: magic, LS: the force). Actually, they both are considered to have chosen destinies, come to think of it. They both are told (lied to) as children their parent(s) were murdered (true for HP, LS tale a little more complicated). They both live with their aunt and uncle. The both have great enemies that no one else has manage to defeat. They both lose their beloved mentors before having completed their training. Both mentors are murdered right in front of the heros eyes. They both believe they are on some kind of quest (and are spurned on by the violence they have witnessed). Both Harry and Luke are dragged into a war.

So isn't that weird? Harry Potter is a child and Luke Skywalker acts like a child (oh come on...you know he whined/sulked through the whole 3 films). I think it's great. I love both stories so i don't care they are so similar.

I just hope we don't find out that Hermoine is Harry's sister or i'll barf. Oh wait...come to think of it...or that Voldemort is Harry's real father!

Office Politics

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 11:36:55 EST

So here's my deal:

I work in an office. Not my dream job, but pays the bills for now. It's a small office, and when i first joined the "team" i was hired as a temp. After being out of work for close to 2 years and pretty much completely broke, working 9-5 sounded fantastic. I was so over-joyed at a positive cash flow to my bank account i didn't really about what kind of job i had.

I worked as a temp for about 8 months before being hired full time. I've never had a real, full-time job before (due to school, etc) so i was thrilled to finally have landed a job that looks good on my resume. Sort of.

Starting at the bottom of the totem poll, i work at the front desk. I guess that technically makes me a receptionist which, to be honest, repulses me. I have a University degree for gods sake, what the hell am i doing here? Suddenly i'm doing things like filing, answering the phone, and making coffee for board members. COFFEE. (I know.) Welcome to the 3rd Century.

After working for a few months, i began to realize how archaic my office actually is. It's as if all the employees are afraid of technology. Email is barely used. Computers are old and slow. Website is...well...a miracle to even be constructed. I began to streamline various processes: ordering supplies, shipping materials, credit card payments. How the heck do people function without the internet?

Why am i telling you all this? When i was hired full time, i was also asked to take over some basic IT issues. Since i'm always looking for things to add to my resume, i was eager to do this. They know that i'm no computer expert and any real problems are handled by our IT company. Right now i am working on connecting our database to our website, overhauling our existing website, and creating (read: having a company create) a secure login for members. I love learning this stuff. It's fun, it's new, and it's knowledge i can actually use.

So all this new fun stuff is of course on top of my existing duties. What's my problem? The other muppets in my office. I never would have thought that working, responsible, grown adults would behave in such a way. Honestly. I am stupefied on a daily basis to see how these people back-stab one another, complain, whine, blame, pass the buck, and are just downright rude. Grown adults. And many of them have children! These people should not be allowed to procreate, i'm telling you.

What i love (to hate) is how these people function at the minimal level. Let's take something basic as an example like, oh i dunno....problem solving. Most people with average IQs know how to problem solve.

Problem: Shoelace untied.
Solution: Tie shoelace.

Simple. Even harder problems are tackled with relative efficiency.

Problem: No coffee in pot.
Solution: Make coffee (or find someone who knows how to work the coffee machine so they can make it).

In my office, this skill is not present. Everyone believes that their 'work' is far more important than everyone elses so if a problem comes up they literally have no idea what to do. And since i'm the one up at the front desk--bingo! Now it's my problem. It dosen't matter that i have work of my own, they just expect me to drop everything and fix their problems so they can continue to chat about their ugly children, beer-guzzling husbands, neurotic wives and pathetic lives in general. They smile to your face and then whisper about you behind your back. They dump their work onto others so they can surf the internet a bit longer. It's insane. One of the muppets calls in sick an average of once a week while at the same time professing very loudly that he never gets sick and is an extremely healthy person. This particular muppet is extremely annoying. He has a smoke break every hour and takes lunch everyday, but still manages to whine about how much work he has to do and how busy he is. His muppet office-friend is attached to his hip (she is just...GOO) and oozes snide comments which are frequently pointed at me. One time i dropped some bottles of tomato juice and she breezed by me saying "well, i'd love to help but...." and then giggled all the way back to her desk. (I didn't mind though since she looks so hideous everyday. She's very....homely looking.)

I don't understand how these people call themselves mature. Really. I knew more people in high school with a better work ethic. Do all offices have people like this? Is there no institution they can be committed to? If this is the real world then i'll gladly live out my days in academia, thank you.

Oop. hang on. Muppet 1 just asked Muppet 2 something:

Muppet 1: how do you spell 'yeah'....like when you say 'yes'?
Muppet 2: Y-A-H. Yeah.
Muppet 1: thanks.
Muppet 2: Oh wait...

Models use drugs?

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 11:31:57 EST

Have i missed something? I hide in my basement for a few days and the world goes completely wonky.

H&M has dropped Kate Moss from their upcoming ad campaign for its new Stella McCartney line. For...drug use?

Now aside from the fact that i think 99.78% of the fashion industry is misogynist, hypocritical, talent-less, worthless, pointless, ridiculous and completely devoid of any positive contribution to the human race i cannot suppress my feeling of outrage.

If you are going to use cocaine use as a measuring stick (and you have every right to) THEN WHY DON'T YOU TEST ALL YOUR F*CKING MODELS? No? Could it be that you're afraid that every blinking one of them would test positive? There'd be no one to wear the clothes, would there? I mean, haven't they ever seen "Gia" for gods sake?

H&M you disgust me. Instead of publishing a statement about your concern for Kate, the importance of a healthy, drug-free body image, resources for people to get help or even a basic offer of support you instead get her to sign some bullsh*t written statement promising to remain "healthy, wholesome, and sound." Way to go.

I'm not going to bring up the fact that most models are way underweight, eat poorly (or not at all), have severe body image issues/self-esteem issues, and frequently use a variety of drugs to keep their weight in check. This is not new. What gets me--REALLY gets me--is that companies and designers like you think you can deflect bad press by simply dismissing an individual who is caught. God forbid you should lose any money over bad publicity. Well you know what? The "oh we didn't know" excuse just dosen't f*cking cut it. And God forbid you should try to DO anything about drug use, like...oh...i dunno...PROMOTE NORMAL BODY SIZES in your clothing lines.

H&M you make me sick.

The Art of a Train Wreck

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 09:47:35 EST

For one brilliant and historic moment last evening, the vixen managed to mix together two of her most beloved pieces of vinyl. Demonstrating both skill and talent, she manipulated the two beats into a blending of perfect harmony and rhythm....

....before they descended into the most horrific train wreck heard in the known universe.

The vixen's auditory senses have not yet recovered.

Animal Farm

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 14:28:45 EST

Let me tell you a story:

Once upon a time there was a monkey. He was very kind and sweet but relatively inexperienced in matters of the heart. One day, during his travels, he met an....errr...elephant. She was bright, ambitious, attractive and also relatively inexperienced. The monkey and the elephant fell in love and stayed together for many happy years. The elephant made great plans for their future and looked forward to the two of them growing old together.

But one day the monkey realized that he and the elephant were not meant to be. (After all, monkeys and elephants can't get married, silly!) They had grown apart and could not truely make one another happy. He felt very badly about this and was constantly overwhelmed with guilt about the sadness he would cause the elephant. He collected his thoughts and finally told the elephant of his feelings. She was very angry, hurt and upset. The monkey did everything he could to lessen her distress but she would not be consoled. The monkey decided it would be best if he left.

On his own again, the monkey resumed his life. He went out, hung out with friends and even met other monkeys. Time passed. Then one day the monkey met a chicken. He met her in the most unusual place, the last place in fact that he would ever have suspected. They became friends. The monkey was still a little wary about matters of the heart. As the days passed, the monkey came to realize how wonderful and marvellous and special and beautiful and smart the chicken was. He fell in love despite his better judgement.

The monkey and the chicken were happy. Have you forgotten about the elephant? Elephants have excellent memories, you know. The elephant hadn't forgotten about the monkey and began to call him again. She was still upset. She needed his help to work through some things. She needed his support. She still loved him. The monkey kept reassuring the chicken that everything was fine, that she would eventually go on with her life. But chickens know a thing or two about elephants and wasn't fooled. Finally, the elephant asked the monkey to visit her as a sense of "closure".

The chicken wasn't afraid of the monkey going. She encouraged him to go in the hopes that the elephant would get what she was looking for. The monkey came back from his trip, tired of talking about "feelings" and "relationships" and generally exasperated with elephants altogether. He assured the chicken that there would be no more phone calls.

The monkey and the chicken lived happily ever after....until the next phone call. You see, the elephant has not been able to get over the monkey. She is convinced that her life won't be happy without him. She sheds many, many tears over their lost relationship.

The chicken isn't angry with the elephant. Why? Because the chicken was once in a very similar situation. And she, like the elephant, did not understand why her feelings weren't reciprocated. The chicken hurt and alienated a lot of people in her attempts to reclaim the past. It wasn't until years later that the chicken realized how selfish and childish she had been and how badly she had behaved. It was also around this time that the chicken realized that she was not the centre of the universe.

If she could go back, the chicken would apologize for her behaviour (which has been a constant source of embarrasment over the years). She would try to make ammends. She hopes that those she'd hurt were able to forgive her and understand that the chicken needed to do a lot of growing up at that time.

The chicken and the monkey are happy and healthy. They hope for a happy ending.

Amendment

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 12:11:40 EST

So after venting about my record-buying experience(s) i kinda felt bad. Yes, they did treat me extremely rudely and yes, i was so utterly disgusted by their complete lack of basic manners and common courtesy that i vowed never to go back.

However.

One thing i have discovered about my chosen sub-culture is that all the little djs party their hearts out friday and saturday (and sunday, and monday, and...) nights so they usually don't emerge until well into the afternoon the following day. This means that on saturdays, when the stores open at noon, i have a pretty good chance of being the only person going out to buy vinyl. (Can't afford to go out clubbing on weekends anymore after the stantons...but yet still seem to be able to afford records. Erm...what?)

So i chanced it. Release was on my way to another store so i crossed my fingers, went inside, and this is what i found: NOTHING (except records, listening stations, and a nice looking chap behind the counter). Woot! I was able to shop, sans les deadbeats, and i had a fantastic time. The guy in the shop was ever so helpful and suggested some great tunes.

So there you have it. I recant. I would happily recommend this store to others...provided they go before all the cooler kids wake from their comas.

Enter: the DJ

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 14:18:55 EST

The vixen has finally decided to exit the realm of the hypothetical and enter the shady world of the dj. She has purchased a pair of Stanton ST-150s (for approximately 1.5 billion CND) and a numark DXM06 (approximately 85 million CDN). These have perhaps been the most expensive birthday gifts the vixen has ever given herself and, as a result, is now nursing a bruised bank account.

Why a shady world you ask? Because it's like being part of a secret club. At least, that's been the vixen's experience thus far. When she first started buying records (long before the appearance of the Stantons), the pretentious record shop salesmen (release records, what?) would ignore her to the best of their ability. You're not a famous dj? We don't have time for you. We're also not interested in helping you learn anything or encouraging you to come back to our store.

When the vixen started asking about turntables and trying them out, same thing. "Only Technics" No one was interested in looking at other decks or what the vixen's particular interests were. No one wanted to show the vixen how the turntables worked, all the features, etc. No one had the time. When asking about equipment, she was frequently told there were "no problems" with one item or another. Nothing was wrong with anything. Everything was perfect. No piece of dj equipment ever made has ever had a problem so why don't you just buy one and stop wasting my time?

Trying to get information about dj-ing and dj equipment is harder than breaking into a swiss bank. No one is interested in helping you find what you're looking for. Unless of course, you have a friend who djs, in which case they are an invaluable source of information.

What has the vixen learned thus far?

When shopping for records, bring a list items you're looking for. You don't always have to use it but some (sales)men only respond when asked for a specific item.
If the (sales)men are standing around, chatting to their deadbeat friends, slobbering over new vinyl, picking their asses, or staring vacantly into outerspace--interrupt them. This only works if you actually know what you're asking for and can cut them off very easily if they try to get all technical. Otherwise, you just end up with a bunch of angry men staring at you.
Do your research. Don't rely on other people to tell you what you need. This is the main reason you need friends "in the know".
Don't get pressured into buying too fast. If the guy creeps you out then LEAVE. Or better yet, tell him to f*ck off (i haven't tried this....yet).
Recruit friends to help you carry all your equipment home. I recommend lying through your teeth when doing this. For example: lure them downtown or wherever with the promise of alcoholic beverages and then go by the dj store. Oh look, hey...would you mind helping me carry these? Whatever you do, DO NOT tell them in advance how much the turntables weigh.
Get someone to explain the use of RCA cables to you if you have no idea what they're for or how they work. (This is the one i'm working on today)

I was picking a bit on the sales people at the record shops. And i have found some guys that have been amazingly helpful and i would recommend them to anyone (2theBeat on Spadina). But i honestly have yet to see a woman at any of the record shops i've been to and Release Records truely SUCKS for customer service.

So that's where the vixen is at. Just in case you were wondering.

AWOL

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 10:48:05 EST

Where has Winona Ryder gone? It's like she just vanished, which is a shame because I really liked her.

Winona come back! We miss you! Make some more movies!

TIFF

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 08:37:06 EST

I would also like to thank TIFF for wasting an hour and 15 mins of my life yesterday evening. Seeing as my life cannot possibly be more important than the doings of the film festival, i suppose i should count my blessings they didn't suck up any more of my time.

I was picking up tickets for a friend who has recently had surgery. She bought the tickets before she knew about the operation and since they are non-refundable she is going to try to make some of the films. She cannot stand for hours in a line-up so i offered to go after work for her. She gave me all the information that came in the envelope from TIFF.

I would like to point out at this time that TIFF will not mail you your tickets. You must physically go down to the box office and pick them up. Hello? Don't these people make a living by jacking up the prices of festival tickets and ripping off the public? Don't get me wrong, the films are fantastic but $120 for 6 tickets? Blow me. So why don't they charge a few extra bucks (since people are obviously willing to pay them) and send them to your front door? What about little old ladies/gentlement who can't stand in line-ups? What about people who come from out of town? What about people who work all day long and don't want to get home at midnight after waiting in a line-up for 6 blinking hours?!?

AND it's not even really about art amymore, it's all about image and bullsh*t ("...you're SO lucky to be granted a space at TIFF...you should be SO GREATFUL that the festival gods have acknowledged you....it will be the highest honour of your WHOLE LIFE...."). This is per some film student friends of mine from Uni who have submitted their films to various festivals around the world.

Anyhoo, so i get to the box office and i ask someone about where to pick up tickets, etc, and that i'm picking them up FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Oh yes, he says, no problem just go and wait in that super long line and hopefully before you die of old age you will make it to the front. So, off i go. An hour and 15 mins later i get to the wicket and i tell the guy i am picking up a globetrotter pass. Our conversation goes like this:

Guy: Great. Can i have the credit card you purchased the tickets with and a piece of photo ID?

Me: Um, no, since i'm picking them up for someone else.

Guy: You are? Well, i need the credit card and ID in order to give them to you. That's our policy.

Me: Really? Because i have the info package that the receipt was sent in right here and it dosen't mention that anywhere. Not even in fine print (I checked).

Guy: Yes, well that's our policy.

Me: Um, could you show me that 'cause really, it's not here, i've looked.

Guy: Uh...no. I still can't give them to you since it's a lot of money and there's no note on the file.

It is at this point in the conversation that i begin to get slightly frustrated. Note? What note? If my friend knew there was an option to leave a note on her "file" that i was going to pick up the tickets...don't you think she would have done that? And, more to the point, if there had been some sort of blurb about needing the credit card and ID to pick up your tickets in the info sent out by TIFF then DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE BLINKING BROUGHT THEM WITH ME?!? The conversation resumes:

Me: Well, can i call her to verify?

Guy: Sure.

Me: *Pause as he stands there blinking at me* Can i use your phone?

Guy: I don't have one.

You don't have a phone? Are you for real? According to TIFFG's website, the festival "delivers an economic impact of 67 million dollars annually" and "boasts 250 000 admissions per year". How in the name of God and all things holy do you not have a phone? It's not as if they don't have the money. What do they pay you with? Food? He decides that he can use the phone in the back and after he tries unsuccessfully to ring my friend he comes back:

Me: Well, i guess i'll have to come back tomorrow. Is there a better time to come when it's not so busy?

Guy: Um, i don't know. Tomorrow is bad, it will be very busy.

Me: What about at 7 am? I see your office is open then. I can come on my way to work.

Guy: Um, i don't know since i'm not up at 7 am. I think it will be busy.

Me: Well, i will have to try. A note from my friend saying that i'm picking them up for her is ok?

Guy: No, you need the photo ID.

Me: But i won't look like her, will I? I mean, i'm picking them up FOR HER. I'm not trying to BE HER.

Guy: Oh right. Yeah, that'd be fine.

Gee, I think my IQ just fell 20 points by having that conversation.

Way out There

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 07:38:50 EST

I think i'm getting old. In fact, I know i'm getting old because after Sunday night's Labour of Love at the Guvernment I think my clubbing days are over. (Or, at least, drastically numbered.)

Labour of Love is always a good time, the club brings in a dazzling array of djs from all over the planet and the party continues well into the following day. This year's line-up included: Marcus Schulz, Blank & Jones, Deep Dish, John Digweed, and Armin van Buuren (among many, many others).

Truth be told, i really went to see Blank & Jones. I've been listening to them all summer on DI fm and i hoped they'd be as good live as they are over the airwaves (internet-waves?). Marcus Schulz was an added bonus, i didn't even know he was playing until i turned up at the club.

Sitting/dancing/standing there for...oh, i dunno....5 hours i got to thinking about the crush of people all around me. What the hell was i doing there? I wasn't popping, snorting, smoking or injecting any kind of recreational pharmaceutical. I wasn't drinking alcohol. I was drinking water. WATER for God's sake.

Eh?

Most of the tunes were the same ones played on the internet radio shows i listen to. I think i caught maybe 7 or so tracks that were completely unfamiliar to me. The club was at max capacity (at LEAST), it was beyond hot, and there was absolutely no room to stand let alone dance. My hair curled into ringlets from the humidity inside the club. Geewwwww.

I'm sure for all the clubbers it was a fine evening. A great one, even. But i'm so tired of the same scene, same people, same drugs. I would rather buy the records, stay home and mix them myself.

And why DO all those muscle-heads take their shirts off and just stand around, eyes glazed and mouth agape? They're so sweaty and disgusting and never move when you try to go by so you end up having brush an arm or a shoulder against them. GROSS.

I'm done with the sunglasses, the glowsticks and the fake breasts. The hookers, the drug dealers, and the sketched out kids. F*ck me boots, mini skirts and see-through tops. The glitter, the strobes, the go-go dancers. Women swinging from the ceiling. Bartenders who won't serve you because you're not male(straight)/male(gay)/tall enough/short enough/loud enough/too loud/f*ckable/edible/kissable/spankable/important/notorious. Bouncers or police who assume because you're at the club you're either a drug addict or an alcoholic. Maybe both. Or just plain deviant.

I mean it. I'm finished with the lot of it. At least....in Toronto, that is. ;)

Restitution

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 14:08:53 EST

Where is Alicia Ross?

I know hundreds of people go missing every year. Just vanish. But, for some reason, this case is different. One minute she was at home...the next....gone. An average family. An average person. Ordinary.

Why is this case affecting me? She is the same age. I think i'm a pretty responsible person. I tell people where i'm going, i carry a cell phone, i don't take rides from strangers, i don't walk alone at night in parks, i drink responsibly. I think i'm pretty aware of my surroundings (at least i hope i am). I feel safe. Alicia? From all the things i've read, she sounds a lot like me. A lot like the millions of other women out there.

Alicia Ross (missing since aug 16)
Aziz Fatima Nizam Ahman (missing since last sunday)
Natalee Holloway (missing since may 30)

We just want them back. Please. That's what i ask for for my birthday: please just give them back.

Engrish

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 13:50:01 EST

Ok, i'm honestly laughing so hard right now i can barely type. For unlimited giggles check out Engrish.

Toronto, ON: Monday, 12:30 pm.

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 12:49:25 EST

A. says that i always wear black. i told him i'm in mourning for my thinner self.

Achieving Operational Excellence

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 10:22:56 EST

In the working world (or 'real world' as i like to call it) , supervisors, managers and general overlords are constantly emphasizing "target goals" or "operational objectives" among other mind-numbing exercises in futility required in your job.

In personal lives, however, such micro-management is not mandatory and is often only attempted in times of extreme crisis (like when you're trying to prove to your parents that you're a grown up so they get off your back about finding a career/husband/driver's license/apartment/another place to do laundry/etc).

Right. So:

GOAL 1: Lose 30 - 40 lbs.

A lot, you say? Technically....yes. But it will all be worth it in the end (err...literally). How am i going to accomplish this? No idea. Lots of people do it, though, so i know there's a way. Step one: go to gym. Step two: massive diet. Step three: NO ALCOHOL. See? Easy peasy.

Except i hate carrot sticks. I hate them. The only thing i hate more than carrot sticks is celery sticks. Excellent. And tomatoes. Ewwwwww! I don't like tomatoes. Or...well...anything healthy, really.

Oh dear.

Blah

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 09:49:04 EST

I'm so frustrated right now i don't know what to do with myself. My day is going spectacularly bad so far, i'm hoping that it dosen't get much worse. In fact, it can't get any worse because i'm throwing a friend a birthday party this evening.

If things get worse i'm going to hide under my bed and not come out all weekend.

I specifically said "for the better". FOR THE BETTER.

Serendipity

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 12:25:10 EST

I've been reading "Can you keep a Secret?" by Sophie Kinsella who, by the way, is a fantastic writer. I'm not sure how her books resonate with men but i know that I laugh so hard i almost pee myself when i'm reading her novels.

What are my secrets? Ha, as if i'd blab them all here. One of my worst ones, however, is that deep down i wish i could be like the characters from those books. Or rather i'm afraid i'm NOT like those characters. Even though Emma and all the others get trampled a bit (or a lot) by life, they always seem to find the courage to stand up to their problems in the end. They have horrific, awful, spectacularly bad experiences but they always manage to come out alright.

Why can't that ever happen in real life? I mean, i know you have to tie up loose ends in novels and have happy endings to keep readership but...why can't some of those things happen for real? You see, when i have a bad day, when i come home feeling miserable and dejected...there's no blinking light on the answering machine. A message from someone (anyone?) calling to chat, hang out, check up on me. Well...that's not strictly speaking true i mean sometimes there is but it's usually not on those days when i really need it. Or if i have a fight with someone (read: boyfriend) they never just turn up wherever i've gone, wanting to work things out/apologize/see me/hear my voice/know that i'm alright. I don't mean the whole turning up with flowers in hand thing, just...well...turning up at all. People don't turn up at my work for a surprise visit and say "gosh, it's been a while, want to grab a bite? I've been wondering how you're doing".

There are no coincidental meetings. No well-timed phone calls. No surprise gifts/cards (gimme a break i'm not talking diamonds...maybe a coffee/muffin/something edible). No truely amazing dates where everything goes so well... Why? Is it unreasonable to expect these things? At some point? In my life up until this point? I have some friends who have these things happen to them all the time.

Maybe i just have crap luck. Or no luck. But just once, just once , i wish fate would intervene on my behalf...and make something work out.

For the better, of course.

Everything but the Rush

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 10:21:52 EST

You know that feeling you get when you meet/go out with somebody...someone you're instantly attracted to...when your eyes meet a little electric current runs down your back? Your stomach is tied up in knots and your heart is racing...you get a rush of adrenaline when he/she flashes a sexy smile your way...feel like you're turning inside out with excitement...

Yeah. I miss that.

AVB - State of Trance Episode 208

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 07:35:53 EST

August 4, 2005:

Armin van Buuren - Shivers (Alex M.O.R.P.H Dub Mix) (Armind)
Inertia - The Chamber (Original Mix) (Discover)
Oliver Lieb - Netherworld 2005 (Oliver Prime Remix) (Joof)
Radiohead - Street Spirit (Tiesto Remix)
Paul Van Dyk featuring Wayne Jackson - The Other Side (Deep Dish Other Than This Side Remix) (Vandit)
Markus Schulz featuring Departure - Without You Near (Gabriel & Dresden remix)(coldharbour)
Purple Haze - Adrenaline (Spinnin)
Marc Marberg - Guarana (euphonic)
Mr Sam - Lyteo (Rank 1 Remix) (Blackhole)
Duderstadt - Mahananda (Original Mix) (Afterglow)
Armin van Buuren - Communication Part 3
Out Of The Past - Mystery (Fred Baker vs Vincent Gozack Remix) (Armada)
Tiesto - Ancient History (Blackhole)
Hammer & Bennett - Language (Santiago Nino Dub Tech Mix) (Coldharbour)
Sander van Doorn - Bling Bling (SVD Remix) (Spinnin)
Thomas Bronzwaer - Close Horizon (Yakuza)
Ridgewalkers featuring El - Find (Kyau vs Albert Remix) (Armada)
Scott Mac - Damager 02 (Mac Zimms Remix) (Nebula)
Mac Zimms - Kenetic (Spinnin)
Lili Hayden - Anything (Gabriel & Dresden E-String Dub)
Energy 52 - Cafe Del Mar (Three 'n One Remix) (Hooj)
Randy Katana - One Solid Wave (Original Mix) (Spinnin)

AVB - State of Trance (207)

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 07:15:57 EST

July 28, 2005:

Petter - These Days (Chable remix) (Trojan)
Max Graham - Talk (White)
Nalin & Kane - Open Your Eyes (Markus Schulz Elevation remix) (Armada)
Gabriel & Dresden - Dubhorizon (White)
Deepsky feat. Jess - Ghost (Album version)
Airwave vs Rising Star - Sunspot 2005 (Banshee)
Nick Thompson & Spekuless - Deep Level Lines (White)
Coldplay - White Shadows (Preach bootleg remix)
Angel Style - Oceancream
Duderstadt - Mahananda (Afterglow)
Goldenscan - Only with You (ASOT)
Way Out West - Killa (Orkidea remix)
Andy Moor - Halcyon (Alex M.O.R.P.H. remix) (Armind)
Goldrush - The Woods
Daniel B - Gods keyboard (Coldware cold remix)
TBA - S.O.S. (Spinnin)
Paul van Dyk - The Other Side (Martin Roth remix) (Vandit)
Armin van Buuren - Sail (Armind)
Armaz - Angels & Demons (Carl B remix) (Somatic Sense)
Stenna - Skyline (Arizona remix)
John Askew vs John O Callaghan - Game Over

Self-Esteem

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 12:48:06 EST

So:

I go for lunch with a relatively new acquaintance. He's good looking, charming, witty, vibrant. He makes me laugh and forget all my problems. Naturally, i'm on my best behaviour when he's around. Somehow i still seem to get flustered and tongue-tied. Why can't i ever say the right thing? I think i sound phony and shallow.

Today, however, i've managed to provide gaffe-free conversation and even to make him laugh (hurrah!). He's walking me back to the office and i'm feeling so great about the whole thing.....and then, in front of not only him but the hundreds of people on Richmond St., i fall straight into a pothole and nearly kill myself.

Excellent.

Atomic Beats - Baunder (June 2005)

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 07:02:56 EST

Arktikism � Drift (Melt edit) [Arktikism Recordings]
Trentmoller � Polar Shift [Poker Flat]
Rachel Starr � Otherwise, What�s The Point (Ty Tek remix) [FrikNFrak]
James Zabiela � Robophobia [Renaissance]
Luetzenkirchen � Daily Disco (Original mix) [Great Stuff]
Burrini & Pompili � Escape Vs. Sasha�Xpander (Ricky Ryan Edit) [CDR]
Monkz � Googles [Lowriders]
Medway � The Bassline Track (Luke Chable remix) [Release]
Gabriel & Dresden � Arcadia (Ozgur Can remix) [Organized Nature]
Cetu Javu � Situations (Baunder Dub mix) [CDR]

Escape from Alcatraz

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 10:02:18 EST

I get to go home early today.

Neener, neener.

I am bored

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 11:14:45 EST

A nifty site to check out if you're...well...bored.

Worth checking out:

guess the stripper's name
Galvanize
flying lawnmower
what type of cheeze are you
Cheap-ass cereals

I am bored.

Writer's Block: Part 2

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 10:53:14 EST

Looking out the window on the ride home I'm still thinking about my book. All the blank pages left in my life. In my future. What chapter am i in?

People walk along beside the bus, waiting for traffic lights, cars, stop signs. Going to pick up children or spouses. Sisters, cousins, friends. Just going. Everybody has a reason.

I flip back through the book on my lap. Nathaniel has finally met Samantha at the train station somewhere between the Cotswolds and London. They had a big row, thought things were over, and went their separate ways. Samantha realizes she wants Nate more than her new job and he realizes that she's the best thing that ever happened to him. Somehow they manage to get off the trains in exactly the same spot and fall into each others arms, instantly forgiving one another and deciding to make another go of it. Excellent.

Of course this is fiction. Guys don't do that kind of thing in real life. They don't go traipsing about the countryside, chasing the woman of their dreams....unless it's Nathalie Portman or something. (And i believe there are numerous anti-stalking laws around that.) They're either playing video games (computers count), watching tv or sleeping. Or in the bathroom doing god-knows-what for 45 mins to an hour reading Maxim magazines. Or generally making a complete cock-up of your life (and sometimes theirs, simultaneously).

Alright, i'll admit it. I'm jaded. I realize the above is a gross generalization of the male sex and there are (at least several) guys who go far and above their call of duty when it comes to love, romance, sex, dating, general human decency. I get that.

But this is my blog and i rant on whatever i want. So there. :P

Writer's Block

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 14:20:17 EST

10 more minutes. There are 10 more minutes in my work day before i am released from behind this desk.

What have a i done today? not a heck of a lot. Photocopied some material, sorted through some piles of loose paper stacked all over my work station, answered phones, read a book carefully tucked away so no one can see what i'm reading.

Everything always comes together at the end so neatly in my books. Sure, life gets messed up, but there's always a comfortable resolution. The fat girl always loses weight and finds a guy, the ugly girl always discovers"the right look" and becomes beautiful and finds a guy, the shy girl always finds her confidence and...finds a guy. If my life was a book, we'd still be in the introduction. Conflicts that keep unravelling, characters still being developed.

Wish i could skip to the end and see what happens.

Paydirt

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:24:31 EST

I knew it. I so knew it. There had to be a website like this in existence:

Tom Cruise is nuts.

Ronski Speed (Di FM)

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 14:03:56 EST

True to Trance July 2005 mix:

Max Graham ft. Jessica Jacobs - Gone [CD-R]
Hidden Logic pres. Luminary - Waisting (Andy Moor Remix) [Soundpiercing]
Jose Zamora & Damien DP ft. Paleday - Transatlantic (Andy Moor Remix) [Baroque]
Electric Pulse - White Noise
Electrovoya - Days Like These (Original) [Fundamental]
Underwater - Waterplanet (Activa Remix) [Sential]
Ronski Speed & Sebastian Sand - Sole Survivor (Ronski Speed Mix) [Euphonic]
Icone - The Way Home [Afterglow]
Stan Void - Montavo [Somatic Sense]
Kenny Hayes - Ibiza Sky (Alex M.O.R.P.H. Remix) [Somatic Sense]
Stoneface & Terminal - Miami [Electric Department]
Mr.Sam - Lyteo (Rank1 Remix) [Black Hole]
Eye Wall - Bad Deal (Remy & Klinkenberg Remix) [Captivated]
Errov & Essex - The Second Day (Perry O'Neil Remix) [CD-R]
Above & Beyond vs. Andy Moor - Air For Life (Mirco De Govia Remix) [Euphonic]
Amurai - Reminiscent Of You (Amurai EP) [Empire State]
Peaktwins - Dreamer (Original Mix) [CD-R]
Digital Nature - Oceanbreeze [CD-R]
Paul Van Dyk ft. Wayne Jackson - The Other Side (Original Mix) [Vandit]
Sayla - Majestic (Arizona vs. Passiva Remix) [Dedicated]
Filo & Peri - Closer Now (Mike Shiver Remix) [Empire State]

Blank and Jones

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 07:57:52 EST

July 18, 2005

B&J:

Deep Dish - Say Hello (PvD Remix)
Deep Wide - Canyon
Viframa - Cristalle 2005
Blank & Jones - Unknown Treasure (Mr. Sam RMX)
Robert Burns - Polestar (Nenes Deep Mix)
ATB - Humanity (Rank 1 RMX)
Solarstone - Release (Zehavi & Rand RMX)
Elles- From Dark To Light (B&J Retouch)

Paul Moelands (Re:Locate):

Kamaya Painters - Soft Light
Deep Menno De Jong - Tundra (Fierce Dub)
Estuera - Moon Sugar
Sayla - Majestic (Arizona Vs. Passive Mix)
BuRo - Emotions (Octagen RMX)
AvB feat. Jan Vayne - Serenity (Signum RMX)
Unknown - Unknown
Mr. Sam - Lyteo (Rank 1 RMX)
E-Craig - Call It A Day (212 AM RMX)
Pulser - Point Of Impact (Mike Koglin RMX)

Blank and Jones

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 07:50:05 EST

July 11, 2005

B&J:

Harry Lemon - Tiga (Triple T Mix)
Markus Schulz - First Time
Ridgewalkers - Find (Andy Moor Mix)
Armin van Buuren - Serenity
Reflekt feat. Deline Bass - Need To Feel Loved (MvL Remix)
Silverblue - To My Twin Soul (Jowan RMX)
Blank & Jones - City Of Angels (Progressive Mix)
Photon Decay - Aura (Climax 69 RMX)

Guy Ornadel:

Thrillseekers - Unknown
Deep Dish - Hello (PvD Remix)
Exhalted - Cyberflight
Above & Beyond with Andy Moor - Air For Life
York - Iceflowers
Fine Art - Polaris
Talla - Unknown
Armin van Buuren -Serenity
Keon - The Only Way
Kenny Hayes - Daybreaker (Signum RMX)

Blank & Jones : DI FM

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 07:15:12 EST

June 20, 2005

B&J:

Ferry Corsten - Sublime (Thrillseekers RMX)
Orkan - Shibuya
Sayla - Majestic (Arizone vs. Passiva RMX)
Symetry - Forget (B&J Edit)
JPL - A Place Called Home
E-Craig - Call It A Day
Van Gelder - Everywhere (B&J Edit)
M.I.K.E. - Fuego Caliente

Tiesto:

Tiesto - Forever Today (Intro)
Hammer & Bennett - Language (Santiago Nino DTM)
Inner Stories - Beyond
Estura Vs. Re:Locate - Palma Salone
Blank & Jones - Perfect Silence (E-Craig RMX)
Whiteroom - Someday (Instrumental Mix)
Sensorica Vs. J Key - Only One
Tiesto - Just Be
Mr. Sam - Lyteo (Rank 1 Remix)
Rank 1 - Beats@Rank1.com
Solid Slide - Belo Horizonte

AVB - SOT episode 204

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 13:07:07 EST

07-07-2005

Joni - Things I would never tell you (Connected)
Luminary - Wasting (Andy Moor remix) (Soundpiercing)
Eluna - Severance (Markus Schulz & Elevation remix) (Enhanced)
Niklas Harding & Tyu - Butterfly Effect (Lucas & Beltram remix) (varian)
Elles - Show you my world (Jonas Steur remix) (Fundamental)
PG2 - Forum of Love (Danjo & Styles remix) (TCR)
Goldrush - Early Days (White)
Jones & Stephenson - First Rebirth (Danjo, Styles vs. primer mix)(Banshee)
Alex M.O.R.P.H. - New Harvest (White)
Syndica - Blush (Connected)
Menno de Jong - Tundra (Fierce dub) (Intuition)
FUTURE FAVORITE: Armaz - Angels & Demons (Carl B remix) (somatic sense)
Ronski Speed & Sebastian sand - Sole Survivor (Ronski speed remix)(euphonic)
TUNE OF THE WEEK: TBA - S.O.S. (Spinnin)
Armin van Buuren feat. Mic Burns - Empty State (Armind)
FB feat. Edun - Who's Knocking (Ferry's fix)(Flashover)
Fred Baker & Vincent Gorczak - La part des Anges (Siberian sun remix)(ASOT)
Arizona - Labyrinth (Dedicated)
Kyle Emerson - Break Out (M.I.K.E. remix) (Club Elite)
Out of the Past - Mystery (Fred Baker vs. Vincent Gorczak remix) (White)
Agnelli & Nelson - Shiver (Xtravaganza)